First Point
First Point
It was a home game and we were losing by 1 point with 8 seconds left we were losing by one point and the Huskies had the ball they passed it trying to waste time but the made a mistake by passing one too many times!
Robbie stole the ball. We ran down the court Robbie passed it to Dusty the crowd chanted 6.5.4! Dusty passed it to Denis 3.2! Denis passed it to me I shot the ball 1.0 the buzzer rang loudly. Everyone was looking at the ball sail through the air. I couldn’t hear anything I could only see the ball hit the back board and in the basket. The crowd jumped and my dad was still sitting down he just gave me the thumbs up. That means he’s proud. We had won that game I got a buzzer beater for my first point. Akuma and Iram put me on their shoulders. It was awesome to get my first point.
Ali, oh wow! You are one of the best young sports writers around! This short work is amazing – I know I should be making suggestions, but I’m too over the moon impressed to do more than cheer!
Make sure to do another peer-edit, or teacher-edit and MAKE SURE! to get this to Mrs. J A.S.A.P so you can enter it in the Young Writers’ contest with some of the others in the class. This is solid writing, with a powerful underlining meaning.
You use long and short sentences to convey how important it is to make your Dad proud. You build the suspense of the moment slowly and well. I am proud of you, Ali, and sure hope you are proud too! Bravo!